Online Sleuthing

So you want to be a stalker. I can help. If I admit this, will I sound like a freak? I'll find out. The point of this post isn't really how to stalk for curiosity's sake, it's meant to be more of a guide on how to cover your ass. Nobody else is going to do it for you. So read up!

Thanks to Google, the gloooorious public record, social netstalking sites, cache files and the online presence of news media, it's become increasingly difficult to be shady. And people are shady. So if you are suspicious about a person or business, why wouldn't you look? That's ignoring your instincts. More often than not, ignoring your instincts will haunt you later. I wish I could say I am speaking only of first dates, but I'm not. Landlords, roommates, employers, hair stylists. It's Google or get fucked. Survival of the sleuth.

I will provide an example to illustrate, followed by some pointers on the art of Internet investigation.

A while back, I was with friends at Mel's Diner in the early hours of the morning. I confess I was trashed to the point of ridiculousness from a night of healing an injured ego with a prescription of vodka and soda. In between naps in the booth, I met a man with a Pez dispenser. We exchanged numbers.

A day or two later we did the obligatory social network adds. Pez was a late thirty-something former model. Big in the 90s, still ridiculously pretty, though a bit ragged. Hmmm, interesting. Given his folders stuffed with photos snapped with celebrities and models, I was dying of curiosity. Whoooo was this guy?

I honestly just wanted to see what Pez had been doing in Hollywood. You know, Wire Image type stuff. What parties he'd been to. His imdb. What I learned: he was a polished internet scam artist who had numerous police complaints for lurking outside of stores on Robertson, harassing women as they entered and exited the establishments. He was also wanted for questioning by police at some Southern Baptist university for wandering the campus, telling women he was a modeling scout when in actuality he was a pervert with a camera and a stash of cheap booze. He used test shoots as a method for trying to get laid, cajoling his liquored victims into removing their clothes, piece by piece, before he increased the exposure. Websites were flooded with complaints about this guy. He had numerous aliases. Yikes. So much for that, right? Finding all of this out was easy when the second hit under a Google search of his name was a complaint on ScamReport.com.

Some might be unnerved by this post. I'm not a psychopathic Google wielder. Use stalking with discretion. I prefer the glass half full approach to life and relationships. But trust your instincts. If something feels off in a personal relationship, Google. If it's a business relationship, Google. This isn't hiring a PI or purchasing a criminal background check. To get to that point I'd probably have to unearth a dead body. There is a time and a place for double checking. I just want to tell you how.

Google will give you pieces. Then you have to put them together. A mortgage record might lead to a birth announcement and a bankruptcy filing. Use your brain.

So want to improve your online investigating? Do as follows:

1. Use quotes around your search terms. "John Smith." That means Google will search for John Smith as a phrase only; the results will only include hits with that exact phrase. Not Johnny Smith. Not John A. Smith. You are lucky if you are searching a unique name.

2. Got a middle name? Great. This helps if you're dealing with a common name. Search it as a whole and as an initial, both with and without quotes. If it's a woman, try to get a maiden name. So try John A. Smith, John Apple Smith, J. Apple Smith, J. A. Smith, and so forth.

3. Anything else. With the name, throw in a school name, sibling name, hometown, hobby, etc. What do you know about this person? If you find work-related results, you might be able to find complaints. Lawsuits. Other information can be used as bricks to lay the foundation for additional searches. Linkedin hits will give you employment information, often so will Facebook. Some companies are even dumb enough to have their staff turn up on Google searches. Easy.

4. Try searching their email address. People sign up for all kinds of stuff online.

5. Pipl.com. Bam! Uncover albums from 8 years ago that people forgot to make private or delete.

6. Archive.org. Cached everything resides here. Yummy.

7. If it's a business, don't forget to look it up at the Better Business Bureau. Try it with and without the .com at the end.

6. Click the cache link on your search results. Sometimes you can find old information here. Your search terms will be highlighted for you. Control + F to search more quickly.

7. Don't ignore the second page on your results page. Sometimes amazing finds are found on the later Google results pages.

Hope that helps. You should try and search yourself. I think it's important to be aware of the information others find when they search you. If you search me you will find two dean lists, a few things from law school and maybe my dumb quote about 9/11 from when I was harassed by a reporter on my way to class. Not much fun. I have made a point of removing anything embarrassing as the Internet has become more invasive.

So again, the point of this post isn't to stalk the hell out of everybody (that's what Facebook is made for). It's to be smart. Happy hunting!