I consider the iPad the Hummer of PDAs. When you whip that thing out (can it even be whipped out, perhaps dragged out of your bag with the aid of a crane) everybody will judge you. Everybody. Why'd you buy that thing, jackass? The iTouch and iPhone wasn't big enough for ya, huh? Feel more like a man now, do ya? Well, do ya punk?
The following are my grievances against the iDiaper:
1. Where Do I Put It?
Bravo Steve Jobs, bravo, the iPad weighs a mere 1.5 pounds. And only 1/2 inch thick, if only I could get that skinny. But what about the 9.7" monitor? Magazine size, according to Apple.com. Where the hell do I put this thing? It won't fit in my Speedy, plus my keys and switchblade would totally fuck up the screen. So what, I have to get a laptop bag for the iPad? That's kind of dumb. Or will there be an iBag at the bargain price of $89.99 for me to tote my iPad in? And importantly, will it be cute? Marc Jacobs might be available. I still love Marc Jacobs even though he never approves the Myspace comments I leave him.
2. Landscape vs. Portrait
Does Steve Jobs really expect me to be flipping this thing around in public? I have a hard enough time looking cool without tossing an iPad about, which I imagine would make me look like I was steering an imaginary pirate ship on the high seas. Yarrrrrr! Soon enough I'm sure Youtube will have videos of people juggling iPads, kinda like those super rad sign holders you seen on the corner of Santa Monica and Bundy. Only I'm sure an iPad would have a harder time recovering from kissing the street.
3. No Flash
Yes, I know there are people out there who argue Flash will soon be no more relevant than an electric pencil sharpener, but we're not there yet kids! Maybe we will be a year from now, but I want the ability to watch Facebook videos now-now-now! That's the whole point of these stalker devices. My iPhone already pisses me off every day by telling me I can't use Flash, why would I want to get the same bad news twice? That would be like two people in a row telling me I'm ugly. Once was enough, thank you. I get it.
5. Price
Starting at $499 for Wi-Fi only. Ok, well nobody is going to get that one. To really use this baby you're gonna want the 3G, so we're looking at $629 minimum. Oh and then you're going to have to purchase the 3G data plan, yet another monthly headache to keep in mind. Maybe I'll spring for this when I can list all of my Mac devices as dependents on my W-4.
6. Sorry Alt+Tabbers
Only one application at a time. But I like to listen to my iTunes on when iGoogle! Apple, Apple, have you not heard of A.D.D.?
7. What's The Point?
It's made for consuming content. I have my Macbook at home, my Dell at work, my iPhone for in between. So when exactly am I going to be using this thing? I can't really think of any other time I need to be consuming content. During a bubble bath? On a park bench? In line at Sprinkles? I suppose if I bought an iPad, I might make a few special trips to Starbucks just so I could feel there was a purpose to my purchase, but again, then I'd run into the whole issue of looking like Captain Hook while everyone sits back and hates me over their soy lattes. Plus there's the whole privacy issue - I don't want the the world to look over my shoulder and discover I spend my free time reading Bodybuilding.com and posting in an *NSYNC fan forum.
So that's my take. What's yours?
No comments:
Post a Comment